Tainted Honor

"You'll be okay." Chloe offered a hug. "Promise."

"Whats going on?" I groaned. So confused and nervous and just. What the heck.

"The ring." Josh laughed. "Nevermind I was kidding. Let's just get you outside and waiting and I'll let Harley know."

I took it, pressing my eyes shut. "I'll calm down when I can see him again." I laughed nervously.

"I don't. I can't do this." I shook my head. "I'm gonna mess up."

"You'll see him in a few minutes Harley." Chloe said softly.

"You'll mess up if you don't go out there." Jaxon laughed. Then thought. "Do you want me to go get her? I know Chloe's with her right now but I don't think she'd mind coming down here for a few."

"I know." I pulled back, doing a last check in the mirror before leaving the bathroom.

I nodded. "Please. Do. Please." I laughed nervously.

Chloe looked at herself in the mirror, then walked out. "You ready?"

Jaxon knocked on the door, opening it moments later. "Borrowing you Harley." He lead me down the stairs, opening the door to the room Daniel was in. "Here is your waiting bride." He laughed

I turned, smiling. She looked amazing. Like. Seriously. "Harley." I smiled, walking over and wrapping my arms around her. I could feel she was nervous.

I wrapped my arms around him, tighter than I usually did. My body shaking even in his arms. "Love you." I muttered against his suit, trying to steady my breathing.

"We'll be okay." I whispered, holding her tightly. I kissed her forehead. "We've got this."

It was almost like a switch inside of me. I exhaled, my shaking stopping. "Thank you." I whispered, kissing his cheek. "I needed that."

"I'm gonna go out there now okay?" I looked at her. "Love you."

I nodded. "Love you too." I kissed him again, stepping away from him. Jaxon took him, walking outside after double checking he still had the ring. Josh took my arm minutes later, leading me outside. There was people I didn't recognize gathered in the seats, and I could feel all of their eyes on me. Judging my every move it felt like. I forced myself to breathe, slowly making my way towards Daniel. Neither one of us being religions, we didn't bother with most of the ceremony. I had my vows memorized though, but we'd agreed to let him say his first.

I took Harley's hands, smiling and looking down at her. "Harley. If I ever push you away, I don't really mean to. When I tell you.. I don't want to talk about it I do, I'm just looking for the right words. Give me a minute, and if I can tell you, I will. I try to be a struggling mix of real.. and perfect at the same time. At the moment, I am working on the ratio. When I get quiet sometimes its because I have too much to day. I have thought of too many things to tell you, and I don't know what to say first. I get immaturely jealous of people who are hanging out with you when I'm at a meeting or not around you. I miss you really easily. But I also like that sometimes we can be apart and we are both okay. Space is good too, sometimes. I love the way we love some of the same things, and I love how we love entirely different things. My head is a complicated pile of thoughts. Fears, cravings, dreams, and this tangled up nostalgia for the past and somehow, the future." I took a breath. "I am flawed and I am human and I am broken and I am trying. And I am one person and I am two hands and I am one heart. And I love you." I kissed her forehead. "And I am so glad you are here."

I started crying. My vows looked like utter crap compared to this. My throat closed up tightly, barely allowing me to breathe. I shook my head slightly. No please. I can't. Mine.. I tried to tell him, but not out loud.

"Harley?" I wrapped an arm around her. She literally looked like she wasn't breathing. "Its okay. Try to calm down." I said, but my voice was a little panicked.

I shook my head, watching Josh step around to try to hide what was going on. The second I knew I was hid I fell against Daniel, my body shaking. I was breathing at least, closer to hyperventilating though. "I can't." I forced out, wishing I could just crawl away and hide forever.

"You can't say your vows?" I whispered. It felt like I was holding her up. "Okay. Its okay don't worry." I said softly.

"Mine.. mine aren't that... that good." I choked, trying to breathe normally. "I ruined it." I looked around, knowing I'd just ruined the entire thing. Everybody would laugh at me and how I couldn't even say a few lines I had memorized in my head.

"You didn't ruin anything." I whispered. Trying to calm her down but she wasn't having it and I was getting scared.

"Harley." Josh cut in. "Deep breaths. Okay? I promise they all think you just started crying from his vows."

"I did." I looked up at him. "I can't-"

"Yes you can and you will." He said firmer, grabbing my arm tightly. "Look at me."

"Let go." I whimpered.

"Look at me."

I had no choice but to look at him. I nodded, slowly pulling my weight off Daniel and brushing my cheeks. I pulled his ring out, sliding it on his finger. "I give you this ring as a sign of my love and commitment to you. I promise to always be there for you, to love you and cherish you, in good times and bad. I promise to confide in you and comfort you. To trust you and support you and to be there, when you need me the most, and when you need your space. I give you this ring which represents the perfect and unbroken circle of love. Take it and wear it as a symbol of all that we share. I'll always be there for you. To hold you and protect you, to love you, and respect you." I licked my lips, my hands falling shakily under his. "I'll always love you. May not even death challenge that."

I felt my eyes tear up, but a smile played on my lips. "Love you too." I whispered, pulling her close. She was still shaking, I could hear it in her voice. I needed to help her stop.

"I believe you two are supposed to kiss now." Jaxon whispered. Everybody was clapping, still confused by earlier but I couldn't take it back now.

I tipped her chin up, smiling before pressing my lips to hers, kissing her. This time is was different. In a good way though.

I pulled myself closer, my toes curling up. I stopped shaking for the minute or so we kissed, but the second we pulled our lips apart it started again. "Harley Daniel you two are going back to the house for a bit while they move to the reception." Josh smiled, turning around and exiting graciously, making us follow basically. "Okay Harley you care to explain what the hell that was." He threw the door shut behind him. "A stunt? On your wedding day? I thought Daniel was gonna piss himself."

"Me? Piss myself?" I laughed nervously. "Heh.. Um." I trailed off. "Nearly." I groaned.